Self-Love. Love Yourself.

Beltane - The Festival of Joy, also known as the Festival of Flowers, evokes the essence of femininity and etherealness for me. It's a time to celebrate love - its delicacy and immense power - as love can start wars and move mountains. When it comes to love, we are always its starting point and forever will be.

My approach to love, about which I thought I knew a lot, even everything, changed after reading Osho's book "Love, Freedom, Aloneness."

“Love is the best way to achieve fulfillment. Continuously discover yourself, accept yourself, love yourself. Do not be anyone’s copy. There has never been anyone like you before, and there never will be in the future.”

Do you want to be loved, desired, chosen?

Feel love?

LOVE YOURSELF

You won't appreciate the love of another person, believe in it, or sit safely within it unless you find love within yourself. Don’t go into the world seeking promises of love with an emptiness to fill because then you will always be a hostage to others, taking excessive responsibility for the problems and actions of others. When we lack self-love, we take everything very personally, are prone to resentment, and often think we might be doing something wrong, or that it's our fault that someone behaved in a certain way. We don’t feel truly liked and appreciated by others, and deep down, by ourselves, which others reflect to us.

Love happens when we have an open heart, and an open heart is when we stand opposite fear when our fears are truly unmasked. Only then can we fully open up and create a healthy relationship because a relationship in which we fear even potential hurt is neither complete nor light. To approach love in a relationship, we must first find that love within ourselves. Fill ourselves up to beautifully share it with others.

Note! This doesn’t mean that only when we are impeccably and perfectly "worked through" in every aspect will our life be idyllic, but without a solid foundation, you won't build a lasting house because those walls will crack.

Where to find this love if no one has shown us how to love, and life has often been tough?

Here is my advice for you:

Don’t focus on how much love people have given you in the past or how much love you wish to receive in the future. Often, behind the words "I so desperately want to be loved, I so desperately want to be the most important," there is a lack. You so desperately want to finally feel something you haven't yet experienced, waiting for someone from the outside to prove to you that you are wanted and important.

Friends, SP, family—they are not there to heal and patch our wounds because they will always reflect what we carry inside ourselves. The more we need to be loved and important, the more it signals that we should start with ourselves, following the principle: first, I fill myself with love and receive it effortlessly from others because the whole world responds to me in kind.

Be your 100 percent, and with your loved ones, create 150-200%.

When we operate from a deficit, we quickly become dependent on others and the external world. When we break up with someone or someone leaves us, an unimaginable longing often arises, a lack of sense of self-worth, which is the result of accumulated lack within us. Because that beloved person filled some of our voids, the need to be noticed, appreciated, desired, and when they are no longer with us, we become like an addict experiencing withdrawal, doing anything to get a taste of what was taken away.

Without grounded self-love, even when we are in a relationship, we consume a bit of our partner, and no matter what they do for us, we won't feel fully cared for and happy. We manifest who we are, what we are, what we emanate, so being in a state of lack, unfortunately, creates more of it.

With self-love comes a different interpretation of the world and others’ behavior; they don’t affect us, our mood doesn’t change based on others’ actions. The fear of rejection no longer holds you back, and your actions are no longer dependent on others’ approval. Others’ behavior no longer determines yours. You no longer experience a lack of their approval or a general lack in the external world.

In self-love, you know who you are and what you think of yourself. You don't need external validation or proof of your worth; in fact, you don’t even notice situations where supposedly you don’t receive them. You are aware that what others do shows only their truth and what they carry within themselves. You stop worrying about who you should be and what you should already have in life, you stop over-analyzing. Self-love distances us from the ego, from judging ourselves and others, and life ceases to be black and white, binary; something is no longer just ugly or beautiful, you see multidimensionality.

Self-love is the foundation of self-worth, and along with acceptance, they are inseparable in my opinion.

How to show yourself self-love? It took me some time to find the answer.

Instead of living in the mode "give others what you want to receive from them," switch to "what you want to receive from others, give to yourself first."

Giving to others selflessly is a beautiful, noble, and altruistic thing, and I absolutely encourage you to share love with others. But there is a significant risk that living in a program of conditional love, or love in return, you will subconsciously expect acts in return from the other side, which only reinforces the state of "waiting" for manifestations.

Pay attention to the language you use with yourself versus with others.

Would you use the same words in the same situation with your SP, your best friend, or your child?

Every time something bothers you, and your mind pushes you towards self-criticism, put them in front of your eyes.

Honestly, falling in love once opened my eyes wide. Initially, I argued a bit with Osho, thinking that I love another person so much, that it's the greatest, most beautiful, most conscious, and mature love of my life...and that being more critical of myself than of others, strict in judgments, is rather a trait of a leader and a reason for pride. But for my loved ones, I have always been and am very tender and understanding, there was never any criticism or judgment...

We often think that when I do X, my big Y will come.

Remember, a tiny child comes into this world with nothing, naked, with a heart on its sleeve.

It doesn’t have to do anything or strive for anything, it is the apple of everyone's eye. A value in itself. We tell small children how sweet, beautiful, and charming they are, they are our princes and princesses, so why do you think that saying this to yourself could be selfish?

Embrace tenderness and gentleness. Give yourself love, love, and don’t be afraid to be loved.

Author: Martyna Suder
More about the author: tutaj.